Emmand, Maddie...Emm???

I don't know what to call you anymore, so I call you "EMM" because every name that i know of has she letter "M".  EMM, since we spilt it starts off the same every morning,  me asking myself was she ever really here or was it all in my head? Did I imagine all of this? Am I gonna wake up at some point and still be driving to Miami? Or maybe wake up from a deep drunken sleep on the beach in Miami,  still blushing and wearing a smile only worthy of you? Questioning,  will she somehow live up to the expectations I held her up to? Or did I set them too high for her (or anyone for that matter) to ever achieve them, do i do that on purpose or subconsciously,   Maybe it was a higher power intervening with the grace of god himself to save us from some horrible life of hapiness lol, I guess "why" isn't important. SADLY,  the only thing that remains is the situation, the memory, and questions the kind of questions that drive you mad just to have them answered, the kind of questions that you would go to the ends of the Earth to know. But then reality Bytes..man it's like when i wrecked seeing the steering wheel coming towards slamming my face after it happened there but pain.... again I see that damn steering wheel coming toward me.. I realize that these questions may never be answered what is strange is i have had unanswered questions, I dealt with those all my life and it never got bad enough to be a problem, i never got hung up on any of them...except for one,  this one, this one here seems different,  its bothersome,  it doesn't go away I wake up with it and I close my eyes thinking of it like. What can i doI...whether i choose  to stay and fight for us..or fight myself to leave.. ive lost her.regardless.a and though it is true that acceptance is a hard pill to swallow, my ignorance was bliss....until reality bit me again..... ....noaveragebear.8@gmail.com